May something er other

I'm Sick of Being Tired.
The Trapp Door closed and the bar staff moved to a new club called, "Club Edge" a name that inspires images of long haired rockers, and air guitar, or a group of Straight Edge boys clad in army shorts and t-shirts with giant "X"'s on the front. Basically, it's the worst name for a dance club in the world.

I went to the first meeting I have been up enough to attend two days ago and was so sick and grumpy thought that I was literally going to laser everyone to death with my death stare. For no reason at all I hated just about everyone, and really for no reason. Being pregnant is the worst thing in the world to happen to me socially. I'm exhausted, nauseous, and everything hurts. It's not the best time for me to have forced interactions via a club staff meeting. I have a hard time not killing my boyfriend, or friends (who I absolutely adore) let along a bunch of people I'm really not very close to. We sat down, we listened, I grew more angry as Bobbi grew more angry and by the end I had had it. The place too closely resembled the ridiculous bar hierchy of our previous venue. I don't have it in me to try anymore without some kind of actual results. That's probably the exhausted me, from the little gremlin, but none-the-less I feel like it's fruitless work. In some kind of lunatic rage that stemmed from almost nowhere I texted our manager/promoter and quit.

He was pissed. I was pissed. I'm not sure that we are friends now as a result of my quiting. I don't even know what I think of that, or myself. I feel kind of insane to be honest.

I don't like working in clubs because I feel as though I am around a lot of stuff I don't want to be around, like drugs, tooons of alcohol, and ex boyfriends. All which are bad for me, and all that i'm happy as can be to get away from, however, I do like bartending. I miss the easy money, the socializing, the being part of the "cool club" even though nobody is really cool at all. Most of the kids are just anti social weirdos, drug addicts, and otherwise depressed. It's like hanging out with the breakfast club kids, before they broke into fame.

My friend Sparkles is home. I missed her. She's one of my absolutely favorite people in the world. I tried to pimp her out for a while so she could make some extra money, but it's awkward pimping out your friend. Plus, I think she felt awkward having her friend pimp her out. But it was fun to say, "I gotta hoe named sparkles, what you need?". I don't think old fashion "hookin'" works anymore, it's all about craigslist now, or that's what I heard from a friend of mine who pimps himself out for money. Another friend asked me, "doesn't it weird you out that he does that?" I said, "not at all, it's his body...who am I to judge. Besides, what he does with himself, and how much he's paid for it, in no way influences how good or bad of a friend he is. He's a good friend, and clearly worth more sexually than the rest of you who give it up for free in booz town".

I have morning sickness, all day today. It should be called, "all day sickness" saying it's only in the morning is misinforming for people who may want to have a baby. It doesn't last in the morning ladies, it's all day. Mix that with how tired I am, and I'm practically useless. This is why people lived in gigantic families back in tribal times, because women need back up when they get pregnant cause otherwise shit's not getting done.

My boyfriend brought me: Fruity Pebbles, Tonka Fruit Snacks, Nectarines, Juice, and Ginger snaps today during his lunch break. He brought it saying, "I got you this stuff because I put a baby in you and it makes you sick. I hope this helps". That's love.

My boobs keep getting bigger, and it's terrible. I like my small chest, I never have to wear bras and I'm pretty comfortable all the time. Big boobs seem like so much upkeep.

Worse case I guess I can just start duct taping them down.